Compromise vs Allowance

When it comes to parenting , the one thing I totally disagree with is allowance. I personally do not feel it necessary to pay my children to do their chores. Yes I DO feel it necessary to make a chore list and enforce it but, paying them?

I can hire a maid for that!

However though I may not have this parenting thing down just yet I do have the art of compromising on my list of my achievements. And being my children are begging for an allowance (so they can have their “own” money) I have come up with a compromise….

Let me explain a few things first;

  1. I am a yeller. I don’t like yelling at my kids but when I become so frustrated, to the point my blood boils I explode. Though I am NOT a bully, I don’t be little my children when I yell I just confirm they get my point!
  2. I have a child that hasn’t quite master personal hygiene just yet. I have learned that I am not the only one that deals with this. Something to do with teenagers? However this battle began long before he became a teenager, therefore, I have been pulling at straws for a looooooooong time.
  3. We have a dog! and a lizard. A dog, and a lizard, I NEVER intended to get, yet a dog that I absolutely love and could not imagine our lives without. However I have to stick to my words when I said “your pet, your responsibility” I need to affirm I meant that.
  4. My older 2 have trouble getting along. Now I am certain this is normal being my brother and I were the same way, but it really gets annoying when they can’t go an hour without saying harsh things to one another.

With these things pointed here are our list of chores;

  • Feed/water dog
  • Feed/water lizard
  • Clean up dog poop in yard
  • Clean out lizard cage
  • Brush teeth
  • Unload/load dishwasher
  • Vacuum carpets
  • Sweep floors
  • Take out trash
  • Keep bathroom clean
  • Keep bedroom clean
  • Put up clean clothes
  • Keep yard clean, including patio

Despite a few of the pet chores they mostly have the same list.

WHY?

Because it is about team work

As I pointed out my older boyz have a problem getting along, therefore I am going to use every opportunity I can to help them “encourage” each other rather than offend.

It’s about responsibility

As I pointed out earlier, I NEVER intended on getting a dog nor a lizard, however though we rescued our dog……I think he really rescued us. And teaching my boyz to care for something/someone they love will in turn teach them to love themselves by gratification

photo 41 170x325 Compromise vs AllowanceIt’s about compromise

I am TELLING YOU the battle of teeth brushing began long before the battle of Jerico (that’s the only thing that sounded right, lol). So when it came to pulling straws I was about to run out until I finally pulled the right one!

Here’s the low down;

I have put $20 worth of quarters into a pretty decorated “jar” and this is their allowance….as long as they EARN it.

  • If you are told to brush your teeth, AGAIN, you will loose a quarter….each time!
  • If the lizard cage starts to stink, you will loose a quarter each day it is not cleaned.
  • If you are reminded to feed the dog, you loose a quarter.
  • If someone steps in dog poop, you loose a quarter.
  • If your chores are not done daily, you loose a quarter…..for each chore not done.

At the end of the week

We will count how many quarters are left, then it will be split between the 2. However they are only allowed to spend half of it, the other half they must save.

I know this may sound harsh but it has in fact worked for the past several months, my hubs and I are quite pleased with the out come. So much so that we have added a twist, we have also given them the opportunity to earn more;

  • If you did not loose any quarters for the week, we (the parents) will match your earnings
  • If you do extra, you will earn extra
  • If you maintain good grades, you will earn extra (though we will not take away)

It is AMAZING for me to see how much this intensive has changed the way my house hold works. We have also implemented a schedule so that we are all on the same page at the same time, though this sometimes doesn’t stick when FF is home, yet (knock on wood) it hasn’t back fired either.

What are your thoughts on allowances? Do your children have one? What about chores? What kind of intensives do you use, if any??

 

25 Comments

  1. Amanda Smith

    Good for you for finding a system that works for your family! It’s very creative BTW! I did not give my oldest son an allowance. He was a real handful and we were always at odds about chores and such. He’s great now, 20 years old and the general manager of a Restaurant. But I did institute an allowance with my youngest son (they are 8 years apart). He has a totally different personality than my oldest. He makes honor roll with little effort and always does his chores without a fight. He gets $15 a week. And as soon as he got it, he promptly announced $5 was going in his pocket. $5 was going in his bank account for a car and $5 was to go to Church. So I feel Ok about going the allowance route with him. Every kid it different though. I hope your way of doing things blesses your family.

    Reply
    1. Dana (Post author)

      I am trying to find a way to implement the tithle thing, our Church doesn’t announce it the way I grew up so before we start enforcing it on them I want to make sure they understand it first……I thought about a charitable donation first??

      Thanks for stopping by!

      Reply
  2. Amanda E

    OH MY! The answer to my prayers! Seriously! I love this idea…. We do give allowance, only lately though.. not sure why, lol. BUT obeying hubs is important. We have them give a part to gift giving, a part to tithe, a part to save and a part to spend… divided equally. I need to find a way to implement your plan into our plan! LOVE this and sharing :)

    Reply
    1. Dana (Post author)

      I am trying to find a way to implement the tithle thing, our Church doesn’t announce it the way I grew up so before we start enforcing it on them I want to make sure they understand it first……Do your children put it in an offering plate or another piggy bank?

      Reply
  3. Kim

    I have 3 kiddos who are 5, 9 and 13. I haven’t seen them ask for allowance yet, but what I do is pay them for certain things they do out of the ordinary. One of them is our oldest will babysit our youngest for short periods of time and I will pay him $5 an hour and he likes this. I also do transcription work on the side and he loves to type so I will let him type some of my side work and pay him for the parts that he does. My husband will have them help in the yard and pay them for the extra hard work they do. I love your idea of the jar in the room, but I haven’t done it yet only because I don’t trust myself to follow through with taking a coin out and checking if each thing is done each day. So that would be the only reason :) Great post!

    Reply
  4. Dana (Post author)

    LOL I think the only reason mine started asking for an allowance is because I said “no” too much to them wanting to buy something for themselves ;-)

    Reply
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  6. Jeanette Nyberg

    I LOVE your system. I am so horrible at enforcing these kinds of things for my kids, but I really like your idea- earning the allowance in quarters! I guess that means a trip to the bank every week…

    Reply
    1. Dana (Post author)

      Actually we use the same quarters over and over again, I would not be consistent if I had to keep looking for more quarters. We count them out on the kitchen table and then give them the cash….well my oldest anyway, I hold on to my youngest ones allowance for him.

      Reply
  7. Anastasia Carpenter

    Hi Dana, what a fabulous idea for instituting an allowance and getting your boys to do the things you want! My own children are now grown and live on their own. I do remember those days when they could drive me nuts (so sorry to make light of a bad situation, but when I read what you were dealing with I thought, I’m so glad I don’t have to deal with that anymore!) My son had was addicted to role playing games on the internet. It’s ALL he did as a teen! I made him get a job (generally I’d rather kids put more time into their school work and activities, my son was ADD and never did well in school). At least having a job replaced some of the time he spending on the computer. My daughter was very compliant, not much trouble from her. Except for laundry all over their bedrooms. When I found myself sniffing things to determine if they needed washed or not, I told them it was time they start doing their own laundry! I did give them an allowance, but wasn’t necessarily for doing chores.

    Reply
    1. Dana (Post author)

      OOOOHHH doing their own laundry??? That may be my next challenge ;-)

      Reply
  8. Megan

    That is an awesome system! We got allowance. And we had chores, but we didn’t “earn” our allowance. We were expected to do chores because we were apart of the family. However, if we did not do chores, no allowance. I love taking out when they don’t do the expected things, and giving extra when they go above and beyond. Great ideas!

    Reply
    1. Dana (Post author)

      My middle man has a negative attitude that we are dealing with so the giving extra began as a reward for his positive attitude….he responds to money, lol.

      Reply
  9. Liga

    What a great perspective!
    My oldest is only 5 and I’m trying to start teaching her about chores! She has a few that she needs to do each week!

    Reply
    1. Dana (Post author)

      My middle man is just 6 and he is doing amazing with this system, I encourage you to try it with yours ;-)

      Reply
  10. Melissa

    We didn’t give an allowance, but that’s not really saying much because I think we pretty much bought/gave them everything they ever wanted, when they wanted it.
    If I had it to do over…

    When any of them had the gall to ask to be paid for helping out around here, I’d start with shelter, food, clothes, electricity, water, heat/air, toys, video games…and keep listing until they would run away and hide. It usually didn’t take long.
    We gave them EVERYthing, and it wasn’t enough. They’ve all pretty much grown up wanting to have things, without putting any effort into earning the things. Only my middle son works a job, but even he doesn’t think it’s “fair” he does more than his boss, for a third of the pay. Work hard and take her job, I tell him. No, he doesn’t want it. He just wants to quit and do something else.

    Reply
    1. Dana (Post author)

      I use to tell mine the list of needs I already provide but I get they want the freedom that money in their own pockets give them so making them work for it doesn’t make me feel bad…anymore. I have had real issues being I was so against allowances in the beginning, but now I see the moral of it. We can’t afford to give them “everything” so we say NO a lot more than I’d like therefore the allowance is out compromise ;-)

      Reply
      1. Melissa

        Yes I meant to say, now that I know better, I think it would have been better to give them chores and pay them an allowance, and not just hand them everything. They would have (maybe) learned about working/earning the things they wanted.

        Reply
        1. Dana (Post author)

          We all want to do MORE for our children from one generation to the next. Honestly if I could afford to say yes, I probably would say it ALL THE TIME ;-)

          Reply
  11. Jenn @ buildingmommymuscles

    I like this idea! We are constantly trying to find the right balance of responsibility and allowance.

    Reply
    1. Dana (Post author)

      I am praying this sticks for a long time ;-)

      Reply
  12. ROBIN

    WHAT A GREAT WAY TO SHOW THEM RESPONSIBILITY. IT’S ALSO A VISUAL AID AND KIDS NEED THAT TO HAVE THE WILL TO KEEP PRESSING FORWARD. LOOKING FORWARD TO MORE GREAT IDEAS FROM YOU. AND NO MY KIDS DON’T GET ALLOWANCE BUT I’M FINDING THAT THEY SAVE THEIR LUNCH MONEY FOR THINGS THAT WANT TO BUY WHICH MEANS THEY ARE NOT EATING HEALTHY SO MAYBE I NEED TO FIND A BETTER WAY. WHEN YOU HAVE A MOMENT CHECK OUT MY MOMENT IN LIFE MONDAY POST DEDICATED TO MOMS. http://curvymomager.blogspot.com/2014/03/moment-in-life-monday-being-momager.html

    Reply
  13. Trina

    I LOVE this idea. I am not a fan of allowances. We believe that is simply part of being a family. Everyone plays their roles. BUT, this might be an encouragement to do it the first time. Hmmmmm, let me to talk my hubby when he gets off shift!!!

    Reply
    1. Dana (Post author)

      Oh Trina I was the EXACT same way! Like I said this is more of a compromise (for me)…..a reward system with quarters ;-) You can use anything from pennies to coupons. Have them write down some things they want to do/buy on strips of paper, fold them up and put them in the jar…punishment is one paper gets pulled out of the jar reward is a “get out of jail free” coupon from you or your hubs. The possibilities are endless. Let me know what you decide ;-)

      Reply
  14. Val

    That’s an interesting spin on chores and allowance. Glad it’s working so well for you.

    Our kids have never gotten an allowance. They are 18 & 16 now. I was also horrible about setting any regular chore list. But I didn’t get complaints when asked to do things. A few times there were comments about allowances, but our stand was always that the chores were a part of living in the same space. I’ve always stood by the fact that they have to clean their bathroom. I rarely use it. It’s not fair for me to have to clean it lol

    Reply

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