Not for all the reasons that Hollywood Portrays but for the reasons that his absence make me feel like a single mom. I don't fear him not coming home, or being caught in the middle of a burning building, I fear all the moments he's going to miss.
Touch downs made by our boyz, home runs, the winning goal, football practices in the back yard, warming up for the big pitch and all the frustrating moments of being a boy in general brings. All the moments our boyz are going to go through that mom "has" to handle because dad is on shift or working OT.
Now, with all that said I must applaud my hubs for standing up for the importance of family by making us priority over his jobs, even if his superiors disagree. Technology has also become our best friend for keeping him in the loop while he is away.
I can also applaud myself for being so determined to find the silver lining in every difficult situation that I refuse to say being his wife is difficult. Like last week, our baby boy was ill and my hubs was on shift.....as always......but this shift he was working in the ER which meant I was able to receive a doctors advice with out the hassle of a copay. I also have a new respect for a soldiers wife.
Yet I still have frustrating moments! Moments when I want to scream because I'm all alone with 3+ kidz who refuse to listen to me. Moments when there is not enough time in the day or seconds in the hour and I'm not somewhere I need to be or I have to choose one boy's event over the others because it's impossible to be in 2 places at one time. Moments when I feel like no one understands what I am struggling with or they choose to ignore it.
Being a FFW means; when my hubs is on shift...I AM a single mother!
Then I found this site...FireFighterWife.com The author (Lori) is a FFW that connects with what I go through. Though I follow several FFW blogs, Lori constantly posts about the different struggles all situations deal with. Such as shift changes, OT when kidz are ill, attending 2 ballgames in the same hour and she even hosts guest posts from other FFW to share their struggles and tips to over come them. She also hosts a private group on FB where FFWs can vent without, those who don't understand's, judgement. So I joined and then....I had second thoughts. Not everyone shares my silver lining attitude, in fact I'm not sure anyone does?
In the first week all I saw was complaining, some labeled their whines as "venting" but it was a little too extreme for me. Like I said being a FFW is frustrating but it doesn't suck! and in no way is it horrible! But if it does for you, if you think being a FFW sux or you are living this horrible life in the midst of his shadow...you need some professional help and or marriage counselling, not a private FB group!
I'm saying this after my first week, because I had to walk away from my computer for a while. I mean I don't even know these women and they were starting to aggravate me. Seriously! A FF schedule is constantly inconsistent so you ALWAYS prepare for the worst and pray for the best. Any veteran FFW should know this!
Then there are the FFW that aren't even wives, engaged I get but girlfriends I don't!
This group was not what I was looking for!
Evidently I was not the only one feeling this way. Lori has since posted a doc on Social Media Etiquette, advise on all the reasons we need to stay positive and supportive for one another. To be careful about what you post or what your comment, beware it may be taken out of context and not everyone shares your same opinion, so ask yourself "how important is it?".
This was much like the sermon our youth pastor preached to our teenagers............?
My favorite advise is;
"Don't just drop in and complain
Try to engage here just as you would if you were sitting face to face
having a conversation with someone.
You wouldn't walk into a social gathering,
drop all your worries and complaints, and then leave."
I must say the atmosphere has gotten better and it isn't so much as a "b!^$# fest" anymore. We have started doing the Love Dare together, encouraging one another through and helping out those that are struggling. Its not as hard to tone out the ones that dwell in drama and I LOVE the fact that I am meeting women from around the world. The idea of FF girlfriends being there isn't so bad, I still disagree but maybe they can see the reality of this life instead of the glamour.....
....is there glamour? lol
So if you are a FFW I do encourage you to check out FireFighterWife.com and even their private FB group (you can find the link on her site) I look forward to seeing you there ;-)
Thanks for Reading,
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